2020- The Year of Forgiveness

Happy New Year!!!

2020 is here!  A time of new hope, new habits, new goals and, best of all, a time for new healing.

And I don’t know about you, but I’m ready! It’s time to do more than pump it up at the gym. It’s time to start a real movement. Something groundbreaking and earth shaking.  It’s time to release something long overdue.  It’s time for a forgiveness revolution!

Let unforgiveness out of your heart. Give yourself freedom from the weight of that hate.

So many things are broken in this world, isn’t it time we start fixing them? Make the Forgiveness Revolution your New Year’s Resolution and forgive someone today, before another decade slips away.

April’s new book Forgiveness Is Free, Why Are You Saving It, is available January 30th.


This Holiday, Give Forgiveness

The season of giving has begun!

It’s the time of year that brings out the best in us and prompts us to become the bearers of great hugs, great food and great presents.

And as you continue your giving, I challenge you to add a unique gift to your list….one that will bless both you and the receiver, far past the holiday season.  I challenge you to add the gift of “forgiveness.”

It wasn’t for sale on Black Friday because forgiveness is free. It can never be discounted or oversold.  It is one of life’s few treasures that are both free and priceless, at the same time.

And it’s one of the best kept gift secrets ever. You won’t find it on your loved ones’ shopping list because it’s a quiet longing, seldom expressed out loud. But the gift of forgiveness speaks volumes to the heart of the receiver.

And no shopping or shipping is required!

Forgiveness sits on the shelves of our hearts, always in stock, ready and waiting to be given to those we’ve withheld it from. It needs no gift wrap, no card and no special occasion. It just needs its holder to choose freedom from bitterness, open their heart and release it. And when they do, they’ll find that they benefited, as much as their beneficiary, because their heart will be lighter and their life will be brighter.

So, why not add forgiveness to your holiday list?

Spread some around to your family, your co-workers and the neighbor who put up their Christmas lights in August.

Give it to someone, drop the mic and walk away like you just started world peace. Because, in a great way, you just did.

April’s new book Forgiveness is Free. Why Are You Saving It? will be released in January 2020. Follow her blog for upcoming giveaways!

10 Ways to Spice up Your Middle-Aged Love Life

When you’re married and middle-aged, sometimes your love life can grow a little limp.

You love each other and sometimes kiss and spoon, but unless you’re newly married, you’re often a long way from your honeymoon. The days of work, kids, chores, repeat, sap your energy, while Father Time takes a toll on your libido.

You may even find yourself sashaying through the house half-naked, trying to evoke a response from your mate, only to find that Netflix has become their new lover and your desperate plea for attention goes unnoticed.

And then what? Do you throw in the towel and grab a good book to read?

No.  Because they don’t care if you’re wearing a towel or not.

But here are some things that I’ve found to be helpful:

1. Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Sure, it’s an oldie and you may have read it once, but read it again. Find out if you’re speaking to your mate in their love language. Maybe theirs is physical touch and you’re so busy providing acts of service to show your love, that you’re completely missing the mark. Perhaps they aren’t responding to you because you’re just not speaking their language. Read the book and break your language barrier. The growth in your intimacy will speak volumes.

2. Support their dream

Nothing says I love you like supporting the dream of the one you love.  There’s nothing like knowing that someone believes in you, has faith in you and has your back, no matter what. It provides a comfort level that allows you to divulge the innermost secrets and desires of your heart and draws you closer together. And knowing that your mate desires what you desire for yourself, makes them ever so much more desirable.

3. Give them space

Now this likely sounds counterintuitive to growing the closeness between you and your mate, but it’s not. It is very important, especially if your mate is requires quiet time to study, do their job or work on their dream. Anything that involves creativity requires some peace and quiet.  If your mate is tired of playing chauffeur to the kids, give them a respite.  Take on their load for a period of time and allow them to relax and rejuvenate. If they tell you that all they want for their birthday is for you to take the kids for the day, do it.  Better yet, don’t wait for them to ask.  Show them that you understand their need for down time. Respect their need for peace because peace and respect are sexy, but stress and fatigue are not.

4. Skip your nighttime beauty regimen

Yes. I said it.  And you can do it.  Skip your regular nighttime routine once in a while.  Your face is not going to fall off if you forget to apply your eye cream, wrinkle gel, charcoal mask and head wrap for a night.  And wear something to bed that’s better than that usual get-up you throw on.  Make it something you purchased this year. Let your mate mess up your hair for a change and kiss your face without an aftertaste. You’ll still glow the next day. But it’ll be a different kind of glow. Try it!

5. Tickle their non-traditional hot-spot

We’ve all got one, folks.  We’ve all got a hot spot that only those who know us most intimately are aware of.  And it’s there for the tickling. So if your mate seems more interested in washing the car or dishes than you, give them something they can feel. They can’t keep a straight face when you go there, so go ahead and make them look goofy. They’ll be surprised, they’ll widen their eyes and they won’t help but notice you’re in the room.

6. Talk dirty to them

Master the art of flirting with your mate.  Let them know you think they’re sexy. Whisper in their ear.  Tell them what a great time you had last night. Let them know they’ve still got it. Say things that confirm they are the captain of your ship and nobody steers quite like they do.  And develop a code if you need to, so the children don’t know what you’re talking about.  Keep them wondering why their parents talk about Mr. Hammer and Ms. Bellringer all the time. They’ll never guess that fluffernutter has more than one meaning.

7. Date night

You’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again.  Don’t forget to do date night!  Take some time away from your kids, at minimum, once a month. Whether you are parents or not, you have to be intentional about keeping your love life alive.  Making it last is hard and it requires effort. You must make time for just each other, to check in, check up and check on one another. Life moves crazy fast. Make sure you’re keeping up.  If you want to feel like you did when you were dating each other, then keep dating one another.

8. Buy them a ticket for something that you care nothing about

If you’re wondering why you should spend your hard-earned money on something that you care nothing about, the answer is, because it’s not for YOU! Purchasing something that you know will make your spouse happy, even if you find it ridiculous, will go miles toward touching their tickle spot. If you hate opera, but she loves it, buy a ticket for her and her mom. If he loves golf but you hate it, buy him some golf shoes. Show your mate that their happiness is a priority and they will make yours a priority in return.  Buy them a ticket, and then turn in yours for a ride on the love train. Woot Woot!

9. Get a sleep apnea machine

Many a good relationship has been ruined by snoring.  It has been the cause of sleeping in separate rooms for countless couples, throughout the years, and it’s difficult for a couple to grow in intimacy when their sleeping hours are spent far apart.  For many couples, the answer is a sleep apnea machine. These devices are like answered prayer to those who have tossed, turned and slept with a pillow over their head, to avoid the growls and snorts of the monster in bed beside them.  Newer, non-restrictive models are available and they’re not just good for your marriage, they’re good for your health.  So do a sleep assessment, get a machine and take back your honey and your health.  Your mate will thank you for it.

10. Forgive them

Is it possible that your love life is suffering because one of you is holding a grudge against the other?  Could it be that you haven’t felt sexy in a long time because your feelings were hurt by something she said, or he didn’t say? Or maybe you’re withholding affection as punishment for an offense you’ve told them you’ve forgiven.  If any of these are possible, then it’s time you loosen your grip on that grudge. Have an open discussion about what’s bothering you. Get it out and then get rid of it.  If you want the freedom to experience true intimacy then you have to give up the things that have held you bound, because you can’t be free and bound at the same time (unless that’s something you’re into). So let out the bitterness and let in the love. Forgive them.

Try one or a combination of these ten things and be intentional about improving your love life. Your engine’s not dead, you’ve simply stalled.  So rev it up, put it in drive and enjoy the ride.  You’re glowing just thinking about it.

Follow me at lovingmiddleagedlife.com

Taming the Griper in your life

The griper.  We’ve all known one.

Some of us work with them, some of us live with them and some of us sleep with them.

The griper is that person who is just never satisfied.  They’re always unhappy about something or someone.  They’re that person who you can always count on to bring the party down.

You could give the griper everything they say their heart desires, but there’s still going to be that one little thing that isn’t quite right.  And whether legitimate or not, they plan to make sure you’re aware of it.  And they’ll likely preface it with a statement that deflects attention from the fact that they’re griping like…

“I’m not complaining, but…”
“I’m not one to gossip but…”

“I know it’s wrong to say, but…”

“Wouldn’t it be perfect if she’d just….”


These are key indicators that you’re about to hear the gripe of the day, nicely disguised as news you can use. And it’s easy to get swept up in the drama, especially when the griper is someone you can’t avoid.

So, what can you do about the griper in your life?  How do you get them to understand that you’re not interested in being part of Group Griper?

If it won’t negatively affect your paycheck, a good friendship or your marriage, you could just tell them directly. You can be bold about it and let them know where you stand.  Tell them what your boundaries are. Do a “drop the mic,” sort of thing.

But if the griper is a coworker, boss, relative or good friend, it’s a lot more complicated and requires more subtlety. And your spouse would likely notice if you unfriend them.

Some things you could try, are:

Refocus your conversations on something positive about the day, the company or how much they’ve accomplished since you met them, keeping in mind that you may need to update this every few hours because a true griper is rarely satisfied with just one gripe per day.

Share positive affirmations with them in person, through texts and your posts on social media.  And when you sense their day is turning in a funky direction, send them some more, but don’t bog down their messenger, tag them and 50 others, or give them another reason to gripe.

Decorate your home or office with art that speaks life.  This will remind the gripers that they’re entering a space that values peace. (The picture above is one of my favorite lamps). If you don’t have an office or cubicle, write it on your lunch bag, hang it from your rear view mirror, put a bumper sticker on your dashboard, make it a part of your digital signature, buy a necklace with a positive inscription or, if possible, a t-shirt.

It’s easy to get swept up in negativity and gripers know that. They don’t like to pity party alone, so they’ll try to get you to bring a dish. You must be prepared. Be intentional about being positive.

And, if this all sounds foreign to you because you’ve never encountered a griper, congratulations, my friend! My hope for you is simple… I hope YOU aren’t the griper.












Are you overdue for Date Night?

So, you’ve read my posts about the importance of girl time and I hope you’ve experienced it for yourself. If yours was less exciting than the hit movie, “Girls Trip,” don’t stress about it. That’s hard to beat! Do girl time your way.

But equally, if not more important than girl time, is the ever-elusive, often overlooked, Date Night.

That’s right, Date Night.  When’s the last time you had one?  If it was more than a month ago, you might want to reschedule that business dinner or call that babysitter.

Life is busy…I get that.  We work, we have businesses to run, we take care of others, we have events to attend, dinner to cook, laundry to do, houses to clean and the list goes on and on. And if we have kids the list can be even more overwhelming.

We get so preoccupied with the busyness of being busy, that we often neglect the business of getting busy. We give the passing cheek-smooch to our significant other and rush off to complete the tasks of the day.  But guess what?  The tasks of today will be the same or a different task tomorrow, but there will still be tasks.

And if you think your kids will miss you so much that you couldn’t possibly leave them for an evening, guess again.  Your kids are likely as much in need of a break from you as you are from them.  And your stress level is stressing THEM out.

Date night gives you the chance to re-acquaint yourself with your significant other…a chance to hear and more importantly, listen to how you’re each doing and feeling.  It replaces the noise of your chaotic day with harmony and a sense of “we’re in this thing together,” and who doesn’t want to feel that their beloved has their back?

Here are some signs that you might need a Date Night:

Job has you totally stressed out…Date Night.

Spouse seems totally distracted….Date Night

Kids getting on your last nerve…Date Night.

Spouse looking cute in those jeans…Date Night.

Admiring that couple that’s been married for 40 years…Date Night.

If you seldom have Date Night, do it this month. Finish this post and get out your calendar. If you haven’t done it in a while, do it this week. And do it spontaneously sometime.

Those tasks aren’t going anywhere.  The kids will be fine. Make date night your priority, tonight.