lovingmiddleagedlife

Have you ever thought about how important it is to learn someone’s name?  I’m sure that’s not something we sit around and contemplate each day, but perhaps we should.

I’ll bet there are a number of people we speak to, each time we encounter them, whose names we don’t know.  I’ll bet we’ve had conversations with some of them, numerous times.

There’s likely a cashier, server, security guard, bus driver or custodian that we speak or wave to all the time, whose name we don’t know.  Worse yet, there are probably neighbors right next door that we could pick out in a line up, but couldn’t identify by name.

And the friendly old lady who hugs us in church every Sunday… the one who always sits in our row… what’s her name? Could she be related to the nameless co-worker that we talk to in the cafeteria?

Using someone’s name when we address them shows they’re important. It confirms that they are worth notice and that their existence matters.  It shows them respect.

If you already know all the names in your sphere, then you deserve a round of applause. But, if there’s someone whose name you should know, but don’t, ask them the next time you see them.  And use it when you see them, after that. Yours could be the only acknowledgment they’ve received in a long time.

Sounds like common sense, right? It is, but it’s worth a reminder.  Because every person should know that their existence matters.

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How often do we listen to our kids?  I mean REALLY listen.

It’s so easy in the busyness of our days to give a casual glance or an automatic “Umm Hmm” when our kids are talking to us. After all, while they’re rambling on, we’re cooking, cleaning, studying, chauffeuring and working on the answer to world peace, all at the same time.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about teens, it’s that they aren’t overly excited to run home and tell you about their life unless they’ve just made the varsity team.  They’ve been raised in a world where conversations are typed, hugs are virtual and feelings are expressed in emoji’s.  Verbal communication takes time and effort and they’ve got better things to do.

When your youth starts talking about their day, without prompting, something important is going on in their life.   If it weren’t of some significance, they wouldn’t be talking.  They’re likely looking for some parental advice that they’re way too cool to ask for and it may come in the form of “asking for a friend.” So dig in, question them and ask them how the situation they’re describing makes them feel.

It’s time to “stay woke” parents.  Let’s put down our phones, turn off Netflix and tune into our kids.  Let’s capture those rare moments when they’re communing with us to find out what’s causing them to acknowledge we’re in the room. Because if we don’t show them they’re important, someone else will, and whose influence would we rather they have?

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On Thanksgiving, my niece had a seizure and became non-responsive.  She is a healthy young lady who had never had a seizure before.  She was rushed to the hospital and the family followed, desperate to see if she’d respond to emergency efforts and, if so, what her brain functionality would be.  Thankfully, she was revived, spent time in the ER and ICU, and is now home.

Those moments of not knowing her condition were horrible. My heart ached with the thought of what would happen if she didn’t wake up. She’s my sister’s child and though she’s all grown up, she’s still my little niece and I’m her “Auntie”.

It made me think about how special the relationship is between aunts and uncles and their nieces and nephews.  I know many doting aunts and uncles that love their siblings kids like their own.  They’re connected by an unbreakable bond that transcends generations and reaches down to their nieces kids and their nieces kids’ kids or their nephew’s children and their offspring.

They wouldn’t think of missing a holiday or birthday gift, graduation or recital and they keep many a secret from their siblings, on their nieces and nephews behalf.  They know who their nieces’ crush is and are willing to play defense attorney when their nephew dents the car (or vice-versa). And if the unfortunate need should arise, most aunts and uncles would be the first to step in to raise their sibling’s children.

Aunts and uncles aren’t included in the bereavement policy list of “immediate family members” at most companies, but they should be.  The legacy of love that aunts and uncles leave should be highly respected and time off should be granted for mourning their loss and for comforting parents who have then lost a sibling. I sure hope more companies see that some day.

Keep up the good love, aunties and uncles! Your family is blessed to have you!

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A few years ago I wrote an article that was published in the Democrat and Chronicle, in which I referenced the movie, We Bought A Zoo.  It’s a great family film starring Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson.

There’s an underlying theme in the movie that shows what happens when a person sets aside their biggest fears for “an ounce of insane courage.”  Have you ever thought of what could happen if you did that? Can you imagine what the world would be like if you just said “not today” to your fears, pulled that little piece of courage out of your back pocket and waved it around in the atmosphere?

With just one ounce of insane courage, you could ask out that cute guy from the café and he could say yes. With that same ounce you could apply for the job that you’re scared you’re not qualified for, and actually get it.  That courage could even motivate you to apologize to a loved one, or perhaps use the “L” word again, after a loss.

Or maybe your ounce could prompt you to go back to school or step into a calling you know you’re meant for, but have been afraid to try.  Or it could be the encouragement to say goodbye to a bad relationship.

And perhaps that courage is all you need to leave your day job and pursue your dream of owning your own business, or the catalyst for applying for your very first mortgage.

Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  It weighs down our potential and bears a heavy load on our possibilities. It limits your life, stifles your stamina and cripples your creativity. Don’t be obese with fear.  Lighten your load! Show it your courage and free yourself from it, one ounce and one victory at a time.

Remember: (Fear=False Evidence Appearing Real) If you haven’t tried it, where’s the proof you won’t succeed at it?

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When was the last time you sat down with an elderly person and asked them to tell you their story?

Two things happened this week that made me realize that I need to do this. And perhaps you should do this, as well.

During a trip to the library, I sat next to two gentleman who were deep in discussion about war. One of the men was a college student and future historian, working on his thesis. He was interviewing an 85 year-old Korean War veteran.  At the end of the interview, the veteran said “Is that it?  Is that all the questions you have for me?” It was obvious he had far more to say and, to his great relief, the young man answered “Is there more you’d like to tell?”

The veteran continued to talk, taking out pictures from the war to show the young man. He even showed videos of the war on a laptop, including videos in which other people had interviewed him. His voice was filled with passion, his stories, astonishing.

I also attended a Grandparents Day celebration, where grandchildren, young and old, told their grandparents how much they meant to them. Each grandmother was read a poem or a letter and presented with a token of appreciation from her grandchildren, and each one beamed. A woman in her 30’s told her grandmother how especially important she was, because her grandmother had raised her as her own child, never once letting her know that she was her grandmother and not her mother.  With this revelation, there was not a dry eye in the building.

These events made me think about two very important things: Our seniors need to hear that they’re appreciated and they desire to be asked about their history.

They yearn for validation that their lives are meaningful and that someone cares about their contributions to the world.  They want to know that their memories are important and by sharing them, their legacy will live on, long after they do. They want to leave footprints in the earth.  I believe they deserve this honor and it’s our duty to make sure it happens.

My husband and I both lost our grandparents in 2005.  In one foul swoop, they were gone, and we’ve lost some parents, too. If you still have yours, ask them to tell you their history.  What were their dreams for their lives? Who was their first love?  And be prepared for the answers…their first love may not have been your dad.

If you don’t have seniors in your family, ask one from the community, work, a neighbor or someone from church. Pastors weren’t always pastors, nuns weren’t always nuns and the elderly weren’t always elderly. They want to be asked.  They desire and deserve your interest. You’ll gain knowledge, insight and a lot of laughs. You’ll learn something and they’ll feel appreciated and that’s a win-win!

Make it a priority.  Make time for it.  Ask them, it’ll make their day!

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Pictured above is a great book I bought for my daughter to interview my mom.

We’re all stars in God’s great galaxy. Sometimes we twinkle, sometimes we shine and sometimes we just hang out in the background, lighting the way for those in the limelight. I call it being the best supporting actor, and it’s quite an impressive role.

You might be the assistant that created the presentation your boss is about to present to rave reviews. Or you could be the person that watches the appreciation shown to your spouse for the great steak they grilled, that YOU bought, seasoned, marinated and made all of the side dishes for.

Or maybe you’re the songwriter, watching throngs of fans swarm the performer, or the team that did all of the work that your boss is being promoted for. Or the coach who made up that great play.  Or perhaps you’re that mom or dad, playing chauffeur, cook, cleaner and calendar keeper to make everyday miracles happen for your family.

And, if you’re like me, you’re a ghostwriter…an ultimate supporting actor role. You’ve authored or completely re-written works for others, that you will never receive credit for.  And all the while you know that, no matter how great your piece is, no one would ever know that you wrote it.

Supporting actors of the world, I salute you!  If no one has told you today that your work is amazing, consider yourself told. Only you can bless others in the way that you do and that makes you very important.  You’ve grasped the realization that your gifts were created to benefit others and that makes you a life-changer.  You adhere to the belief that the strongest structures are built with the strongest supports.

Supporting actors, the world needs your light and you are a star in God’s eye. Be the best supporting actor you can be. Keep doing what you do to make life better for others and life will get better for you. (Eph 6:8)

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So, you’ve read my posts about the importance of girl time and I hope you’ve experienced it for yourself. If yours was less exciting than the hit movie, “Girls Trip,” don’t stress about it. That’s hard to beat! Do girl time your way.

But equally, if not more important than girl time, is the ever-elusive, often overlooked, Date Night.

That’s right, Date Night.  When’s the last time you had one?  If it was more than a month ago, you might want to reschedule that business dinner or call that babysitter.

Life is busy…I get that.  We work, we have businesses to run, we take care of others, we have events to attend, dinner to cook, laundry to do, houses to clean and the list goes on and on. And if we have kids the list can be even more overwhelming.

We get so preoccupied with the busyness of being busy, that we often neglect the business of getting busy. We give the passing cheek-smooch to our significant other and rush off to complete the tasks of the day.  But guess what?  The tasks of today will be the same or a different task tomorrow, but there will still be tasks.

And if you think your kids will miss you so much that you couldn’t possibly leave them for an evening, guess again.  Your kids are likely as much in need of a break from you as you are from them.  And your stress level is stressing THEM out.

Date night gives you the chance to re-acquaint yourself with your significant other…a chance to hear and more importantly, listen to how you’re each doing and feeling.  It replaces the noise of your chaotic day with harmony and a sense of “we’re in this thing together,” and who doesn’t want to feel that their beloved has their back?

Here are some signs that you might need a Date Night:

Job has you totally stressed out…Date Night.

Spouse seems totally distracted….Date Night

Kids getting on your last nerve…Date Night.

Spouse looking cute in those jeans…Date Night.

Admiring that couple that’s been married for 40 years…Date Night.

If you seldom have Date Night, do it this month. Finish this post and get out your calendar. If you haven’t done it in a while, do it this week. And do it spontaneously sometime.

Those tasks aren’t going anywhere.  The kids will be fine. Make date night your priority, tonight.